Seven years.
Damn, I have to let that sink in. "Time flies," some say. It felt more like a crawl there for awhile. Still does, sometimes. Can I say that I'm happy now? Happier than I was, say, ten years ago? Yes and no. I have more freedom and less grief. But I also have no pets and live in the South again.
I experienced situations I never imagined and met people I will never forget. I learned more about myself in the last seven years and grew up (dare I say "matured"?) immeasurably. But I find myself in the exact same place as in 1993 when I first contemplated hitching a ride on the marital express to escape my life. The journey has come full-circle; only physical changes are evident. I am older, grayer, and carry the weight of a thousand woes drowned in Ben & Jerry's. Alas, I am also still without the one thing I seek - the complete package of soul mate, a shared fortress of domestic bliss and the rewarding career that I hoped to have established at this age. All things in due time, I suppose.
Am I happy? Not so much. Am I content? Some days more than others. But am I better off?
At least the circumstances that brought me where I am today have illuminated my convictions: I will never again settle for something that does not satisfy me, my immediate needs, or my long-term plans. I have expunged "settle" from my vocabulary.
Thought for the day:
"I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know of no way of judging of the future but by the past." ~ Patrick Henry
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