"We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full." ~Marcel Proust Albertine Disparue
As the year draws to an end, I find myself thinking about the speed at which time passes. It seemingly fluctuates in relation to our desires: it vanishes when life is good and we wish to savor every moment; it lingers in times of adversity.
The truth is, time is constant. It is our human traits of hope and patience that fade, one sand grain at a time. The longer an adversity remains, more sands collect at the base. It is hard to embrace optimism when gravity is not an ally. Reality sucks when you watch the sands keep falling down.
What is most horrifying about these dire economic times is not simply the fiscal devastation affecting millions of hard-working Americans. The saddest fact is not the middle manager's diminished 401K. It is not the devalued portfolio of the seven-figure-earning CEO, nor the forfeited bonus of an auto executive. Those situations are financial inconveniences.
No, the travesty of a recessed/depressed economy is the emotional toll it exacts on everyday citizens. Every day, another grain of sand falls when an hourly blue-collar employee performs a job that doesn't pay well working for a boss who is a despicable ass. He knows he has to suck it up: he's afraid to lose the only job available in town. His frustrations mount as his hopes fade.
Or maybe a woman has been planning to leave an abusive spouse, but cannot afford to leave because her part-time job won't pay her bills if she lives alone. With each verbal and physical blow a few more grains of sand trickle downward. She hopes for a change in the future, but she's not sure she'll survive to escape the reality of the present.
Perhaps it's not as severe as that. Maybe the guy doesn't really love the girl, but he continues living with her because her income is too invaluable to lose. More grains of sand fall every day when they argue about petty domestic issues. Their arrangement drains his resolve to make a better life for himself. He knows it's not the ideal situation, but he tells himself it's better than being alone.
Men and woman aren't the only victims of circumstance. What about the abandoned pets at the local animal shelter whose owners could no longer afford to keep them? It's bad enough to tell a child they must quit their after-school music or gymnastics lessons because it's too expensive. How many grains of sand fall when a parent tells their child that the beloved family dog "ran away" because they're too ashamed to tell little Johnny or Susie the truth? How many parents have secretly taken Buster to the pound because they had no money for pet food? How much does that lie diminish a family's hope for a better future when each day brings more pain?
Worse still, what about the soldier forced to reenlist for another tour of duty - risking his life on the front lines - because there are no jobs for him back home as a civilian?
How much longer can people like this endure the agony that is life today? How many people will commit a crime just so they can be sent to a prison where their basic needs of food and shelter will be met?
The sad thing is that all of these scenarios are plausible. These are all economic realities. In dire financial straits, the number of abuse cases skyrockets. Drunks beat their spouses, children and pets. People stay in jobs they hate, if they're lucky to have one at all. Health gets neglected. Houses and cars get repossessed. Quality of life takes a back seat to everyday survival. It's depressing as hell, and there is no easy solution.
But there's a silver lining in this. The endurance of something atrocious can be a motivator. It can reinforce resilience. It can fuel an otherwise hopeless soul's patience. We learn to be more frugal. We learn to help each other more. We learn to tolerate second choices until we can make it through to the other side. Surviving these harsh times is not unlike boot camp. It's hell, but it's temporary. It's a bitch to endure, but it toughens us and teaches us how to make do with what we've got. Luxuries and creature comforts are postponed but not forgotten. It is our desire to have our desires fulfilled that keeps us trudging on through the muck and mire. Hope of future pleasures makes present pains more tolerable.
I'm reminded of one of my favorite Shakespeare lines: "Though patience be a tired mare, yet will she plod." (Henry V, Act II, scene i)
No, I do not have the life I wanted. I am not living the life I imagined I would have at this point. Like so many people, I am not happy with my present circumstances. In fact, I am angry and bitter and disillusioned. But, like so many others in similar positions, I will trudge on. And when finally I come to know a better reality, I will appreciate it all the more for having endured this nightmare...this annus horribilis.
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