This was me two hours ago, sitting in the dentist's chair having the second root canal of my life. OK, that pic isn't me; it's some cheesy stock photo because A.) I'm too hopped up on Percocet (mmmm...good stuff!) to maneuver anything more complicated than typing, therefore anything uber complicated like hooking a USB cord up to my digicam and uploading photos is waaaaay beyond my grasp and B) I'm much too vain to pose for full-frontal toofer pics. I mean, c'mon, a girl's gotta draw the line somewhere. T and A? Sure, why not? Bicuspids and molars? Dude, that's just nobody's business...except, of course, the dude who dug & drilled and suctioned (if only my body had seen that much action - oh wait, I digress) then gave me a lovely 'scrip for these yummy pills.
Wait. What the hell was my point?
Damn. I know there was something blog-worthy that I felt compelled to discuss. OH YEAH! Some of these damn people in the news really need to learn to shut their fucking mouths. I mean, seriously...I have to vent this.
- FIRST...to the former token chick on the losing party's presidential ticket (I refuse to type her name she annoys me so much) - look here, Caribou Barbie: your 15 minutes are up now. You will make us all very happy if you will just exit stage left right fucking now. Seriously. You are like the Energizer Bunny of Dumb - you just keep talking and talking and talking and continually proving me right. ENOUGH ALREADY! This chick really needs a ball gag.
- SECOND...to the idiotic egomaniac rapper who today proclaimed that he is "the voice of his generation" I say this: um, no, you're not. Dude, I saw your lame-ass show at Bonnaroo and I'm STILL fucking pissed that I wasted 4hrs of my life waiting on you to come on stage. You are not even close to being the voice of your generation. News flash, there Einstein: your declaration of a personal opinion in no way constitutes validity of said opinion. I could easily say I am Queen of Planet Earth, but honestly dude, it's just words. I still have no tiara and no powers (but these marvelous little pills make me care a whole helluva lot less, so it's all good!) OK, Mr. Too Big for Your Lo-Rider Britches: get a clue and shut the fuck up. You are NOT the voice of your generation. Sorry, bro, but that title deservedly belongs to the man we elected last week to be #44. And no, don't get all street and put that on a jersey or a hoodie because that would be tacky.
- THIRD...to the pregnant man who has just announced his second pregnancy: umm, who cares? Look, I'm all about some gay rights and freedom of sexuality and what not, but who honestly gives a flying rat's ass that you're a transgendered woman who grew a beard, strapped on a dick and gave birth using your original incubating oven? Science hasn't changed the fact that you still pee sitting down, so let's face it: your 15 minutes of fame were up about the time your water broke the last time. This cash cow ain't mooing right now, honey, and frankly, none of us care anymore. So get back to lactating or ovulating or whatever the hell you do and be happy living your life...out of the spotlight.
- FINALLY...not everyone in this world has trouble keeping their mouths shut. This is a travesty, because sometimes idiots REFUSE to speak up and tragedy results. I saw online with great horror that a 4-year old child died this week of starvation in this country at the hands of his legal guardians. This is unspeakable. A child died in Mississippi because his grandmother refused to feed him. But the horror is that other family members were aware of the abuse AND DID NOT SPEAK UP! What is wrong with this country?
What has happened to this world? It boggles the mind...
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