Here's a diary of my day to corroborate my claim that a life of leisure should be pursued at all costs:
12:28pm - Wake up slowly. Turn on cell phone ringer. Listen to voicemail from calls missed while snoozing.
12:36pm - Make first pot of coffee. Call friend who's working and relay exciting news from aforementioned voicemail. Try to lose the "froggy" sounding voice before returning call from the doctor who called offering to discuss employment opportunity. Make breakfast (2 poached eggwhites, 3 slices vegetarian bacon, coffee.)
12:41pm - Eat breakfast. Return doctor's call; leave voicemail. Check up on podcasts. Mutter audible thanks to MSNBC for giving Keith and Rachel equal airtime.
1:57pm - Drink more coffee. Remove yesterday's forgotten load of laundry from washer & put in dryer.
2:06pm - Take shower.
2:17pm - While rinsing out shampoo, nearly slip in shower trying to grab a towel before grabbing cell phone; talk to doctor for 15 minutes. Mutter silent thanks that he cannot see me standing in my bathoom dripping wet and naked.
3:01pm - Leave house to run errands. Torrential downpour. Cold, rainy: invigorating! My favorite weather!
3:16pm - Stand in line at Election Commission to early vote. Mutter more silent thanks that my county uses ballpoint pens, thereby eliminating any fear of hanging chads.
3:43pm - Enter the fluorescent-lit den of consumer iniquity known as the
4:07pm - Pass by Starbucks without purchasing a Venti Sugar-Free Cinnamon Dolce Latte! (Gasp! Three full days of unemployment enables me to forego my caffeination cravings! Fiscal victory shall be mine!) Sip on my grande-size travel mug of fair-trade Rwandan Bourbon coffee which isn't nearly as hot as a Starbucks latte would be. Grumble silent thanks that I just saved $4.75 and a disposable paper cup.
4:09pm - Fight afternoon traffic leaving the state's largest mall, en route to either the local public library or to campus. Can't decide which; will wing it based on the flow of rush-hour.
4:36pm - Circle the downtown library twice looking for a parking space. It's still raining. My L.L.Bean windbreaker is waterproof, but damn, I'm chilly. Notice I'm parked less than a block from a cozy coffee shop. Hightail it in the opposite direction into the equally cozy (yet painfully decaffeinated) library which I suspect is closing in 24 minutes.
4:41pm - Pay $3.50 in overdue book fees. Realize I have 99 minutes to peruse the shelves. Further realize I could have grabbed a coffee and stuffed it into my L.L.Bean totebag and noooobody would've known. Shiver from cold and thirst. Check totebag for book list - damn! It's still @ home on my desk. Log into the library's public PCs to access Powells.com for recommendations; ACCESS DENIED: site blocked (reason: online shopping). I'm thinking, "WTF?" So I then try NY Times Books for the bestseller list. Again, ACCESS DENIED. Finally try my Amazon.com WishList and voila. (Yeah, I know, right? The public library net nazis won't let me surf Powell's, but Amazon is okay? Can we say double standards?!?) Grab a dull-tipped golfer's pencil from the cup beside the monitor and scribble a list.
5:19pm - Leave library with 6 titles, including the one photo-referenced at top...
5:25pm - Walk in the door; make another pot of coffee. Reheat leftovers (butternut squash bisque) as lunch. Curl up with...which book? Fuck it. I can't eat and read - don't want to be messy. Choose to watch today's Blockbuster delivery DVD: Ben Stein's Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed instead. Give it my half-attention while shopping online for a new cell phone. Finish dinner. Catch up on more blogs and podcasts.
6:47pm - Check school's website for Spring semester schedule. Make list of desired classes. Sigh in quiet desperation as the reality hits: my registration appointment time is at SIX O-FUCKING CLOCK IN THE MORNING?!? This has got to be somebody's idea of a joke - or a typo. Hoping it's the latter, I log off.
7:00pm - Watch a few minutes of PBS news. The headlines are as bleak as the weather outside. Freezing my ass off because I've had the doors & kitchen window open since coming home, I throw on a sweatshirt. Check the thermostat: holy hell, it's like 62-degrees in my house. Grab a blanket, flop down on the sofa and take a nap.
9:08pm - Yawn. Make another pot of coffee. Pen irrelevant blog post about today's boring events. Update my Amazon Wish List.
9:27pm - Contemplate going to a movie. Check listings; notice the Katrina documentary, Trouble the Water, is showing in a half hour or so. Decide it's not a Friday nite popcorn-eatin' kind of flick & stay home...great, now I'm jonesin' for hot, buttery popcorn...
9:32pm - Begin marathon weekend of reading instead of working on homework examining themes of isolationism and discrimination in the poetry of Emily Dickinson versus Paul Laurence Dunbar. Mutter curses to myself for taking a course that focuses on poetry which will have zero bearing on my future career as either a writer or editor. Realize I should stop drinking coffee and have a nice, stiff adult beverage because ennui is best remedied by inebriation, not caffeination.
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And this, my friends, is how you waste an entire day doing jack. I could reeeally get used to this... Yep, what I need is a job that pays me to drink coffee, read books, blog, and surf the Internets...
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