life's dismissive backhand...

(originally posted on MySpace)

"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death." ~Anaïs Nin

Maybe what I need is a "life coach" instead of a mate. If I could hire a person for regular progress checks and scheduled motivational sessions, my personal productivity would increase tenfold. This person (the "LC") would call daily to make sure I was adequately nourished and rested and exercised. An LC might prevent my slipping into third-shift sleeping patterns of late. (Hittin' the hay at dawn then crawling out of bed @ 2pm is so not conducive to a well-balanced life!)

During our regular checkups, an LC would be a co-architect as I design a productive path to follow. The LC would congratulate me on forumlating and adhering to my goals and, by praising my accomplishments, would thereby inspire me to achieve more. Other days, the LC might offer solicited advice on relationships or employment situations, or even suggest how better to utilize my free time to stave off insanity, that most disastrous by-product of excessive isolation. (This is the flipside of being single: excessive isolation means I keep Blockbuster online & Powells.com in business, but hey - it's consumerism, so somebody's making a profit, right?)

One reason I need an LC is for advice & guidance. Who gives advice better than someone who knows you really well? Someone who's getting paid to do it! (Basically, this is what I want: a human Pez dispenser of sage wisdom who I can fire if/when I hear something I don't like. Firing simply isn't an option with friends or family. You pretty much have to suck it up & listen as you're pummeled by their well-intentioned exhortations, which while necessary, usually hit squarely in the solar plexus, and man...that's no fun. If I want pain, I'll inflict torture on my body at the gym where I hear only personally-selected tunes on my iPod and nothing else. But I digress.) This is where friends are priceless. Unfortunately, they aren't always around when I'm precariously perched on a slippery slope headed toward potential emotional ruin. My dear friends who know me and understand my mood swings can say, "no, you DO NOT want to move to Alaska because you got a message on Salon.com personals from a hot lumberjack who loves dogs, sips lattes and reads Proust; it's just a phase you're going thru - wait a week and you'll get over it." And sure enough, a week later I would see the delusional absurdity of my whim. But without friends or an LC buffering my impulses? I just might end up in Alaska. Or worse. I could end up stuck here, making no progress in my life, sleeping at strange hours, forgetting to pay the electric bill and wondering how I came to feel the sting of Life's dismissive backhand.

Which is why I think a Life Coach is a mighty fine solution. In return for all these services rendered, I would simply write a check and sleep soundly (during normal hours!) knowing my life was organized, my bills were paid, my needs were met and my sanity wasn't jeopardized. This would be more personal than therapy - maybe even cheaper - and would keep me on an even keel. And who knows? Maybe the coach knows a lumberjack with a dog who's looking for somebody to sip lattes with while reading Proust in French. :)